How to Support a Survivor

When someone experiences sexual violence, relationship violence, stalking, or sexual misconduct, the effects often extend beyond the individual directly impacted.

Friends, family members, partners, roommates, coworkers, and others may also experience a range of emotions, including concern, anger, sadness, confusion, or helplessness.

One of the most important things you can do is offer support without judgment. Survivors have had control taken away from them, and restoring choice and autonomy can be an important part of healing.

Ways You Can Help

Listen and believe them. Let them share as much or as little as they feel comfortable sharing.
Respect their choices. Allow the survivor to make their own decisions about what steps, if any, they want to take.
Avoid blaming questions. Focus on support rather than asking why they acted in a certain way.
Reinforce that the violence was not their fault.
Offer practical support. You might help them connect with resources, attend appointments, or identify trusted people they can turn to.
Be patient. Healing looks different for every person and may take time.
Take care of yourself. Supporting someone through a difficult experience can be challenging. Seeking support for yourself is also important.

Remember: Survivors respond to violence in many different ways. There is no "right" way to react, heal, or move forward. Surviving violence requires strength, resilience, and courage. By offering compassion, respect, and support, you can play an important role in a survivor's healing journey.

If you have questions about how to support someone or would like guidance, Center for Survivors advocates are available to help. Email general@msu.edu to learn more.

Common Responses to Trauma

People who experience sexual violence, relationship violence, stalking, or sexual misconduct may respond in many different ways. There is no "right" or "wrong" way to react, and responses can change over time. Understanding some common trauma responses can help friends, family members, and supporters respond with empathy and compassion.

Emotional Responses

Survivors may experience a range of emotions, including:

Anger or frustration
Fear or anxiety
Guilt or self-blame
Shame or embarrassment
Sadness or grief
Feeling powerless or overwhelmed
Emotional numbness or appearing unaffected

Physical Responses

Trauma can affect the body as well as emotions. Survivors may experience:

Changes in sleep patterns
Changes in appetite or eating habits
Fatigue or low energy
Physical tension or discomfort
Changes in sexual interest or intimacy

Cognitive Responses

Trauma can affect how a person thinks, processes information, and experiences the world around them. Survivors may experience:

Difficulty concentrating or making decisions
Anxiety or panic symptoms
Depression or loss of interest in daily activities
Intrusive thoughts, memories, or flashbacks
Difficulty feeling safe or trusting others
Symptoms associated with post-traumatic stress

Behavioral Responses

Survivors may also respond through changes in behavior, such as:

Withdrawing from friends, family, or activities
Avoiding people, places, or situations that remind them of the experience
Changes in work, academic, or daily functioning
Increased need for support, connection, or reassurance
Discomfort with physical closeness, intimacy, or being alone

Remember: Every survivor's experience is unique. Trauma responses are normal reactions to difficult or overwhelming experiences. Providing patience, support, and understanding can make a meaningful difference in a survivor's healing process.

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How Co-Survivors Can Support a Survivor

Friends, family members, partners, roommates, coworkers, and others can play an important role in a survivor’s healing process. The most meaningful support often comes from listening, believing, and respecting the survivor’s choices.

Ways to Offer Support

Thank them for sharing. It can be difficult and courageous to talk about an experience of violence. Let them know you appreciate their trust.
Believe them. Avoid questioning their experience or looking for proof. A supportive response can help reduce feelings of isolation and self-doubt.
Listen without judgment. Allow the survivor to share as much or as little as they want. Focus on listening rather than problem-solving.
Ask how you can help. Support looks different for every person. Let the survivor guide you in what they need.
Respect their privacy. Allow the survivor to decide who to tell and when to share their story.
Validate their feelings. There is no right or wrong way to respond to trauma. Acknowledge their emotions and remind them that their reactions are normal.
Provide information, not pressure. Share resources and options when appropriate, but allow the survivor to decide what steps to take.
Support their choices. Survivors have had control taken away from them. Respecting their decisions can help restore a sense of autonomy and empowerment.
Encourage connection and support. Help identify trusted individuals, advocacy services, counseling, healthcare, or other resources if the survivor is interested.
Be patient. Healing is not linear and looks different for every person. Recovery may take time, and needs may change along the way.
Take care of yourself. Supporting someone through a traumatic experience can be emotionally challenging. Seeking support for yourself can help you continue to support others effectively.
Continue learning. Educating yourself about trauma, violence, and survivor-centered support can help you respond with greater understanding and compassion.

Remember: You do not need to have all the answers to be supportive. Listening, believing, respecting boundaries, and offering consistent support can make a meaningful difference in a survivor’s healing journey.